I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
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So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
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I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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