Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
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Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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