Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize