dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
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He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
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Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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