they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize