when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Randomize