I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The feeling are messing with the penis
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize