I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize