The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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