i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize