who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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