So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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