i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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