I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
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She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
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if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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