with your own penis?
Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my shit smells like andre
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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