that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
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I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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