there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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