we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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