did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
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You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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