As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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