he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize