pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
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yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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