just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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