I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize