I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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