Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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