last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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