Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
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Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
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Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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