I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
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I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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