there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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