someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize