I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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