Kareoke will never be a sober sport
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
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After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
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Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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