she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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