Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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