Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
she looked like the before picture.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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