I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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