If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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