Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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