why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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