I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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