question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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