got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize