It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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