he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
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one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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