So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
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the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
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The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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