I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
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Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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