I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize