he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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