wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
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Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
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I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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